The Important Differences Between Being Kind or Being Nice.
/The differences between being kind and being nice are subtle but real. And even if other people around us are not aware of the differences, I believe our internal ‘trust’ and ‘respect’ measurement gauges do notice the difference. What we say or do will always impact what people expect of us both now, and what they expect of us some time in the future.
In business and in our personal lives, the difference between being kind and being nice is all about our intention. On one hand, being kind ‘tells’ others to expect a deeper, more involved, more trustworthy and potentially more supportive relationship. On the other hand, being nice ‘tells’ others to expect a largely superficial, polite, low drama and low commitment relationship.
In most every case, being kind takes more effort while being nice has the benefit of often being a low commitment, quicker, easier encounter. Don’t get me wrong, it’s better to be nice than to do nothing. But when there’s the option to go the extra step, being kind is better, even if it’s only for our own health benefits.
Yes, both the giver and the recipient of kindness experience improved well-being and benefit from a generally healthier and more interconnected community / culture. Being kind also has a positive impact on our each of our mental, emotional, and physical health (heart health) due to the stress-reducing benefits. And being kind can also create a ripple effect. As people see you and I being kind, it encourages them to also practice kindness, potentially fostering a greater overall sense of trust, respect and community.
Over time, many of us have unfortunately learned that being kind is a weakness. This is not true. It’s a strength that builds trust, respect and is a catalyst for loyalty and cooperation. It can inspire people to greatness, giving them confidence and courage to be… and become their best.
To be kind we must tap into our empathy. We must also want to genuinely invest our time and energy in someone else’s well-being. For example: telling a new employee there is a great coffee shop downstairs and around the corner from the office is a nice thing to do. A kind thing would be to invite them to join you so that you can show them where the great coffee shop is, and then, for you to knock your kindness out-of-the-park, introduce them to your favourite barista.
Authenticity is an important element of being kind. As soon as it feels like we are “putting it on”, we will not be trusted. So this isn’t about becoming kind or forcing kindness, it’s more about recognizing all the opportunities all around us to genuinely demonstrate kindness and therefore build our brand and deepen our relationships.
From time to time, being kind might involve putting other people’s needs before our own comfort… like in challenging situations when we provide constructive feedback (hopefully with permission), helping them to grow, evolve and learn from their mistakes. Helping others grow from the places where they may be falling short and negatively impacting their long-term career, is kindness. In this case, being kind demonstrates your deep commitment to that person. At other times, kindness is when we don’t help someone or give them the solution to a solvable problem. In this case, kindness is giving someone space and courage to develop the solution themselves. The struggle helps them build resilience, patience, thoughtfulness and pride as they grow and become more independent along the way.
And while being kind does take more of an investment, the beauty lies in its potential for simplicity, flexibility and spontaneity. Like many intrinsic motivators, being kind usually costs nothing – or near nothing. The small but consistent acts of kindness become true markers of our brand and our reputation.
Whether it is at home, with friends or at work, practicing kindness helps you build a nurturing, respectful and trustworthy environment and strong, long-lasting relationships.
In the end I believe we are all kind… well most of us. But being kind – acting on our kind intentions versus just being nice is something we can turn on. In the end, whatever we choose to do or not do will be part of our reputation.
Thank you for reading The Important Differences Between Being Kind or Being Nice. I look forward to hearing from you if you have any questions.
Bruce
Other articles in this series include:
About Bruce
Bruce is Corporate Trainer, Keynote Speaker and Executive Coach.
Bruce Mayhew Consulting specializes in customized Difficult Conversations, Crucial Conversations or Conflict Management Training, Email Etiquette Training, Leadership & New Leadership Development, Generational Differences, Time Management Training and other soft skills training solutions in Toronto and across Canada. Bruce is also an Executive Coach to a few select clients.
Bruce is an experienced motivational speaker in Toronto and has inspired audiences across Canada and within the USA and the UK. Bruce works hard to always make sure your training event, conference, retreat, or annual general meeting is a success.
